Christian Music

Got this e-mail from a friend:

****** been working here from 6-9 (or 10, this week!) in the mornings. As
I was about to put Ice Cube in the CD player/boombox, I noticed it was
switched to "FM", but the volume was turned all the way down.

I turned the volume up and listened for a bit. That damn Christian rock is
ruining the ears of today's kids! All I heard in ten minutes were
two-and-a-half of the worst, most repetitive, limp-wristed 1985 light rock
style crap songs I've ever heard!

I mean this stuff is bad. One song featured a moony-voiced christian rocker
type (probably thin and with a weedy mustache) singing "Alleluia" sixteen
times in a row. What kind of fucking song is that? Listening to that song
made me pine for 3000-year-old father ******* from St. Peters. At least he
put some emotion into his "Alleluias".

The next song was even better. Rocking out to the same wimpy chord Amy Grant
made popular in 1983, another weedy-mustached thin guy started singing about
how he's gonna "want salvation from his holy god".

Got news for you pal - salvation is waiting right underneath singing lessons in your "things to do"
pile.

But I guess not all Christian rock is bad. It sends a positive message to
today's youth: "You might dress like Prince Valiant and act like a
soft-hearted punk, but you can still get rich in the music business trading
on people's desperate hopes and dreams."